I've been pouring my heart out on the internet in some capacity for the better part of a decade. I like to think of it as leaving little breadcrumbs of who I was all over the place, a lesson in modern archaeology. Sometimes I pick up those breadcrumb trails and excavate at the crumbling ruins of my old blogs, reading snippets and remnants of the person I once was. This poem is a little snippet I found on an old blog that still spoke to me.
Tuesday, March 12, 2013
My name is Courtney Gold and I have eyes the color of dirty icicles hanging from the roof and gloomy mornings that you can't get out of bed. They used to be the cliched color of ocean depths, used to be a color that caused that girl in my sixth grade class to say "your eyes are like two shining swimming pools and I want to jump in" but like everything else now that's faded faded faded
I remember the first time I bore witness to the darkness of the human spirit in first grade when my best friend spat on me because a girl promised her tickets to Disney World if she got rid of me. I don't think I ever saw her again.
I used to stand out and feel the wind push against me so urgently like it had somewhere to go where are you going Mr. Wind can you take me along I want to play with you
I remember stained glass windows with the sun setting them ablaze and wishing to be so vibrant, to be set ablaze
Remember little flowers with dainty white petals and wishing and wishing to be so little, so little that I could slip through the cracks and never be seen
Remember
Remember
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e
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e
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My name is Courtney Gold and I have something to say, I just haven't figured it out yet.
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